Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
