Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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