he told me I talked like a deaf person
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
