omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
