I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
