I want to have your abortion
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i have two assholes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
