Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control

Fav 7 1163 2087
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(347): View more from New York

He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.

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(770): View more from Georgia

All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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(847): View more from Illinois

That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...

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(516): View more from New York

I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.

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