did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
