I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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