i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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