I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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