This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
