So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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