Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
