You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
