Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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