and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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