I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dick very happy bro
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
