I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
