mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
