Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
