What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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