Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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