i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
