The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
