I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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