I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
