So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
