Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
