I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we're so committed to being not committed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
