i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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