he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
