grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
