Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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