at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
