is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
