the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
