There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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