I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
