I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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