Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this is an emotional support booty call
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
