you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
