Having a random hookup so left but love u
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
