Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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