So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
