I love having hate sex.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
