The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
