just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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