Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
