I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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